Time ceases to exist once you become a parent, all I know is I need more of it and whenever I blink, months have gone by. Putting my son's clothes away to make room for bigger ones has become one of the most emotional exercises I do every so often. As I watch him cruise the furniture in next to nothing, I hold up his little sleepsuits with the integrated mitts and remember the days of cuddles and sweet little naps in between. Where did the time go? How have you grown up so fast? Please slow down! I find myself thinking and saying these things in a loop.
Time has become a miraculous concept that is completely run by my son, in the space of a weekend, my water broke, I went into labour, and we brought him home and started our fourth trimester. We would sit in awe at this itty-bitty human still moving as if he was in the womb, then drift off to sleep ourselves. Time was now driven by this sense of responsibility, love, and constant worry. Are we doing this right? Is he breathing? Is the latch right? Is he warm? Our previous routines completely disappeared, and I would scramble to brush my teeth so my son wouldn't get a hit of that morning breath. "My son would get to know me differently" I would say laughing to my husband, in all honesty, morning breath didn't bother him. Looking into my eyes, feeds, feeling our skin against his and having lots of cuddles was all he needed and that is exactly what we gave to him. The fourth trimester was all about building bonds, trust, and confidence amongst our new little family, this included our cat, Simba. You cannot forget the fur baby!
That one long day called the fourth trimester is a day I would live over and over again, it reminded me of that week in between Christmas and New Year’s where you had no idea what day it was and ate random things whilst binge watching TV. Schedules, meetings, and time didn't matter because baby would signal what he needed and that was all that mattered. My husband is second generation Chinese, born and raised in London with a strong connection to his traditions. I'm Jamaican, from a mixed background (Indian and Black) and very connected to my culture. Blending cultures and customs around a new arrival was exciting, one thing that was very important to both cultures was the period of confinement after giving birth. I stayed home for one month after giving birth and focused on recovering and my new life, with family dropping off meals and checking in virtually.
Fast forward to lockdown easing and trying to meet up with mummy friends and trying to have plans in general is where time came roaring back into my life like an alarm clock to the face. Ha! I was late for everything and would flap around the house with my husband getting ready to leave. I had these new boobs for breastfeeding that were much heavier than before, so you can imagine how hot and flustered I was by the time I slumped into the car. The hotter I got the more engorged I felt. It was easier to stay home but I wanted to experience some social time and try to get into the swing of things.
Overtime I would plan everything around my son's sleep schedule and dab the sweat beads away once in the car, take a deep breath and go from saying "what am I doing to I can do this". I kept the baby bag packed all the time and left it in the nursery, so that was a grab and go job. Everything used was replaced as soon as I got home and all I would need to do was pack a change of clothes for our next outing. Time became his, and this was something new that I had no choice but to be flexible with, he may blow his nappy up before we go out and sometimes his naps may take a little longer. The soft awakening with all of this was the understanding from the people around me and gratitude for my hands on husband. I felt less guilty each time I went out and more open with the series of events that took place before I got there. It was welcomed with laughs and other stories and tips which made me feel better, I wasn't alone and one day this would belong in the past, so I reminded myself to enjoy it. He'll be in school and more independent some day and I will miss this. Somehow, through trial and error, we made it work eventually and look back on the early days of heavy eyes and 3am feeds with nothing but love. I did the feeds, and my husband did the burping, we took everything in our stride and experienced all that we could, together. They were the easier days and the moments that will stay with me forever and after that.
To all new parents reading this, it gets easier, and time may have completely slowed down for you. It's okay, take a deep breath and smell baby. Soak it up and love on them and yourselves. We often forget to nurture ourselves and our partners on this journey. From the moment your little one chooses their moment to join this world, it is like time is thrown into the air, it all settles back down again, and you find your rhythm as a newly formed family. My advice is to let the little one guide you with their signals, before you know it, that becomes the nonverbal communication between you until they can speak. Allowing yourself that flexibility and time to yourselves as a little family is so important, so don't pressure yourselves unnecessarily to get into a routine or go out if you are not ready. That all comes in time, and time really has a profound way of showing us what really matters in life. Those early months truly are for building bond, trust, and confidence, you can re-join the world that keeps moving when you are ready. Enjoy this precious time at your own pace.
#motherhood #time #maternityleave #fourthtrimester #babybonding #parenting #familylife #marriage #mumlife #motherhoodandtime
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